Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize