is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
