thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
