we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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