So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
