someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
