alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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