yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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