im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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