Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she peed on how many people?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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