i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
