I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
