my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
