I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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