He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
