When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
