im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize