my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
