found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
