I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize