I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
