I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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