It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
