then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
