just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
