So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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