Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize