he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
