I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
