Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
