hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
