First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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