this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
