Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
