can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
