I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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