If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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