Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
