Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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