u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just invented taco cereal.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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