Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
