The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize