I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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