So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
