seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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