If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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