how can u be prego again
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
