God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
