I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
