I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
