Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
