Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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