and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
