You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you inspire me to be a worse person
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
