Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Porn is love you can see.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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