me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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