Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
