I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
