I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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