I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
