I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
