the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
pray to the hookup gods
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
