If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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