She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
