he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
