Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
