Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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