i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
