i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
