so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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